Daddys side of the story….

….I hope this blog entry helps…

….is pretty much how I felt from the very start of even thinking about having a baby…”I hope” begins everything I ever thought of…I hope I become a dad…I hope the preganancy goes well…I hope she’s delivered at home like we want and I hope shes perfectly perfect…

On the day itself, well I remember the sunshine in the morning and the music in the background. I remember Jacqui being very calm and bouncing on her materninty ball…I remember when she said we need to call the midwife and I remember starting to fill the pool and getting incredibly nervous and very very excited.

The most important thing I can say is trust your mrs’s advice and her instincts…What I admired the most is how Jacqui took It all  back to the old school…and doing what is natural….she never took for granted what the experts said or the medics…but researched and learnt whats best for her and very importantly the baby. as much as I could do, was to listen, understand and support her ….thats what was important for me to do.

From a practical pointof view I was really really nervous about fainting…you know at the sight of blood and stuff…but I mananged to stay at the top end and the midwife took care of the rest…I’ll never forget how quick and stress free and calm it all was…Jacqui wanted music and quiet and no shouting …and she got just that…little Jessica was born into water and went sraight to mum and then me and it was all soooo lovely.

Be prepared to do all the little things…from cooking and washing from when she needs you to…to fetching and grabbing…fetching and grabbin is the new ” hunting and gathering ” instinct for you…it will make all the difference to your mrs and you’ll feel pretty useful. All the liitle things can add up to a gold medallin, olympic winning effort, never underestimate this bit.

If you possibly can, and all the stars are lined up in the heavens, then dont miss the chance to witness your baby being born and hold her as soon as you can…dont miss the chance to tell your mrs you love her and get her a bunch of  flowers…and dont miss the chance of being able to look back and think that was pretty amazing and I was a part of the memory and as I then step forward into fatherhood, thats a good mantra I’m aiming to stick to…Id never want to look back on any stage of Jessicas life and think anything but I tried my best with her, and loved every precious moment of it. Thats my biggest hope as I write this to you today.

I hope your baby arrives safely and soundly…

I hope this blog entry helps…

I hope…

27/06: Birth Story – Mummies POV

Jessica Bibi Hope Rafiq, born at 11:22 (what a magical number!) weighing in at 6lb 12.5oz. 27th June after a birth that has left me totally euphoric!!

I woke up at about 4am getting stonger than BH but not quite strong to convince me contractions. I woke Akeel up at about 5am and we went downstairs to start timing them but they seemed to stop so we went back to bed. By about 9am though, I was bouncing on my ball waiting for the midwife to come and do an assessment, still not convinced though and certain she would say it was a false alarm.

Bouncing at 9am….

At about 10am, she arrived and examined me….I was 4cm dilated and went to 5cm as she was examining me. So Akeel started filling up the pool while I was still bouncing and rocking

I got in the pool about 11am, and after a couple of contractions started feeling like I wanted to push. I told the midwife, who said it wouldnt be time yet and it was just my bowels or the baby coming down ready. I knew though

Chilling in the pool 12 mins before she was born….

I said I might need some gas and air soon as I was starting to think things were about to start getting harder and I was expecting to be pushing for a while. But there was no time!

I suddenly felt her head coming down into the birth canal, and started saying ‘oh my god, oh my god, shes coming’. I was thinking ‘ok this is where its going to start to hurt..relax relax relax’ and forced myself to relax and breathe and accept the pain when it came. The midwife said ‘just take your time’ and then started explaining how the head would come first and then she would check the cord wasnt around the neck, and then a few more pushes and her body would follow.  I smiled and said ‘ok’ then I felt my body wanting to push so I closed my eyes, put my head back, let out one low grunt and went with my bodies urge to push. It didnt hurt, it felt amazing. I felt everything. I felt her body come down through the birth canal and just slip out into the water in one small push!!

The midwife was in shock and so was I lol. I got away with a very small tear that wasnt worth stitching.

We had a lovely cuddle in the pool straight away, then she went to Daddy while I got out ready for the 3rd stage, which was also completely natural and happened nice and easily and quickly

Daddies 1st cuddle…

Then more skin to skin and I breastfed her successfully yay!

I cant even begin to describe how I feel. I had the birth I wanted and it feels amazing! I never thought it would happen like that if i’m honest, but it did and baby Jessica is just perfection

Here are some more pics of her first few hours….

I am  so totally blissed out by her. She is amazing! She is so content and chilled out and only cries a little when she is hungry. She spends most of her time scrunched up on my shoulder asleep or laying beside me looking around. We are doing everything as naturally as possible and she has spent all of about 5 minutes in her basket lol…she wants to be with me all the time and I am more than happy to giver her that. It feels right.

I have asked Akeel to write an account of the birth from his point of view so that should follow shortly 

41 weeks – come on Jessica!!

41 weeks today and still no sign! Had a midwife visit yesterday and everything is looking good…BP good, babies heart rate good, shes still head down and is a little lower down now getting ready.

I decided to give the membrane sweep a go, but she had trouble finding my cervix as its still posterior (high up)  and slants off to the right. She said it was softer from previous pregnancies but was not softening for labour yet. Its no suprise the sweep didnt kick anything off then as we are just not ready!

We went for a lovely walk after through the forest, its been so long since we walked through there. It aggravated my SPD though so i’m really stiff and sore today Had a couple of mild contractions this morning but nothing to write home about.

Got a midwife visit booked for tomorrow morning for another sweep, but i’m going to ask her to only try a sweep if my cervix is ‘favourable’, ie ready for labour. There just doesnt seem any point otherwise and i’m apparantly only allowed 3 sweeps before they step up to induction. I dont want to get carried away on that instoppable track.

Thats it really, nothing else to report! Just chilling out today and taking things easy.

Over-due and under-pressure UPDATE#1

Hi all

Thank you so much to everyone who commented on my last entry, it really is encouraging to know I am not the only one who believes as I do.

We saw the consultant today and it was surprisingly positive. I think I was so ready for a fight after the midwives attitude that it totally surprised me! He took my concerns seriously and we discussed stillbirth rates after 42 weeks…he didnt actually know the exact figures (2 in 1000 after 42 weeks) so he was impressed when I quoted them to him and it definitely helped to convince him we are making an informed choice and not acting out of fear or stubborness.

He did a quick scan (so lovely to see her humungous head lol) and my fluid levels are good, she is in the optimum position for birth and he didnt think it was necessary to take measurements. Plus my BP and everything else is hunky dory

We agreed that I would go back next monday for another scan to check amniotic fluid levels and just make sure baby is ok, but if there are no concerns then we can continue waiting for her to make an appearance in her own time. Obviously if the fluids are dangerously low, the placenta appears to be failing or she is growth restricted then we will re-evaluate our position on induction.

We didnt discuss birthing at hospital, as I have decided to take that as it comes and he didnt raise the issue. Again – if there are any concerns about the placenta or fluids etc then I will re-evaluate our position at the time, but as far as I am concerned right now with no problems, we are going ahead with a homebirth regardless of term, and regardless of the midwife!

She is back on wednesday so I look forward to telling her that the consultant appears to be on our side hehe. But you never know…baby might already be here by then!

Over-due & under-pressure

I have to get this down because I am so angry!

My midwife came yesterday for a check and Akeel quite rightly brought up the subject of induction. On her last visit she said that I wouldnt be able to homebirth after 42 weeks, and made me an appointment (for tomorrow) to see the consultant to discuss induction. I had been worrying about this, furiously researching our options, getting my facts straight and made an informed choice that I dont want to be induced, and I will go ahead with a homebirth after 42 weeks.

Induction only works if you are close (ie 24 – 48 hours close) to labour anyway, and a failed induction (which means you and baby are just not ready) can cause a false labour bringing with it anxiety, stress, exhaustion and eventually a possible c-section. Even a succesful induction carries a risk of fetal distress, and even if it doesnt, it does mean constant montioring which means restricted movement in labour, harder and faster contractions, and all kinds of issues that go against everything I believe about labour and the female body and can lead to cascading interventions ie venthouse, epidural, and c-section.

Why on earth would I put my baby through that for the sake of a couple of days?

Then there is the issue of not being ‘allowed’ a homebirth after 42 weeks. This is complete and utter rubbish. There is no reason to treat a 42+ week pregnancy as wrong, or a medical problem. The average pregnancy is 38 – 42 weeks, and the EDD (Estimated Date of Delivery) of 40 weeks is just the middle point of that average. I am not overdue until I am past 42 weeks, and wont be treated as such. This 40 week or 280 day middle point is calculated on the average cycle length of 28 days. Its all just averages and estimations, and as long as baby and mother are healthy there is no reason I can think of to treat a 42+ week pregnancy as a problem.

Yes – there is a risk of the placenta beginning to fail, which means it may be less able to support the baby through contractions, resulting in a stillbirth. But this risk is very minimal and can be detected. It is not an unknown or a certianty. With fetal heart rate monitoring and checking of the amount of amniotic fluid, it is possible to monitor the health of the placenta. Why then do some midwives and doctors automatically treat over-due as life threatening and pressure mothers into induction and/or hospital births with constant monitoring?? It just seems so un-necessary, especially considering the added pressure, stress and anxiety of this can prevent labour from happening naturally!

So anyway. When we raised the issue again with the midwife yesterday and I tried to ask her about the actual risks and not just the percieved risks and to get my point across, she told me that I would be risking my babies life and that it was wrong to be stubbron for a homebirth ‘at any cost’. I have to admit I got a bit upset…she was just going on and on about the risk of a stillbirth, not letting me get a word in, and I burst into tears. She seemed to be saying she cared more about the welfare of this baby than we do, and I was just being silly and stubborn!

I ended up agreeing to daily monitoring at the hospital after 42 weeks delaying induction until 43 weeks, and going to hospital to birth after 42 weeks. I felt so beaten and guilty, so down hearted, she made me feel like I was being selfish and not putting my babies wellbeing first. In the heat of the moment she got to me and I backed down.

And today I have woken up furious!!! How dare she!

I’m only 40 + 3 and already i’m under this kind of pressure and stress? How is that healthy, supportive or helpful? How am I supposed to stay relaxed with this kind of pressure? I hope to god that she is not the attending midwife when I do give birth because I have absolutely no faith in her to adhere to my carefully researched and thought out birthplan. I dont trust her atall. I dont even like her. How dare she play the dead baby card on me just to get me to hospital! She has absolutely no respect for my beliefs and trust in my body, my baby, and my instincts.

I am NOT going to be induced. I am NOT going to give birth in hospital unneccessarily. I will agree to monitoring and if there is any evidence that the placenta is failing then this will change things obviously, but unless that happens I will continue to treat this pregnancy as healthy and normal, and fight for the birth my baby deserves. I wont be made to feel guilty by the consultant tomorrow or by this midwife again, and I wont be shut down without getting my point across.

I am mama bear hear me roar!

40 weeks today, 3 false alarms!

Eeeek 40 weeks today! Happy due date to me!

Akeels birthday came and went on the 14th – no baby! I did get him a couple of PS3 games though so he is content with that for now lol. He has also started his 3 weeks holiday now so its nice to have these last few days or weeks together as a couple before baby comes.

We have had 3 false alarms in the last 3 days. I dont know whether to be more embarassed or frustrated lol!

Just a few hours after my last entry at 39 weeks, I thought my waters had gone. I got up to go to the loo about 10:30 and felt a gush….went back to bed thinking nothing of it but then started getting a constant period type cramp and a slow trickle of fluid, so we got up and I called the midwife. She came and done an assessment, including looking at my cervix, and confirmed it wasnt my waters. No. I had just wee’s myself! Babies head was right low down in my pelvis though so she suspected the pressure when I had gotten up had caused some leakage.

That was tuesday night. Wednesday night I got Akeel up at about 11pm as I was having strong and regular contractions that I had timed to be about 10 minutes apart. We didnt call anyone this time as I decided to get up and move about and see what happened. We sat up for about an hour and they stopped. I went to the loo and had lost a little of the mucus plug though (like bloody gel) and baby was definitely putting a lot of pressure on me down there! She spent the rest of the night doing acrobatics so I didnt sleep much.

Then lastnight, I woke up about mid-night with strong contractions again. I decided to ignore them but after about 40 minutes of regular and strong contractions, and 2 trips to the loo thinking I needed a poo but nothing there, I woke Akeel up. We came down stairs and I walked about a bit, and continued to time them. They went down to about 5 minutes apart pretty quickly and then I had one almighty contraction that knocked me sideways and lasted about 2 minutes, then another one straight after so I said to Akeel he had better call the midwife!

But, as predicted, by the time she arrived they had stopped altogether *rolls eyes*.

She performed an internal exam to see what was going on down there but she couldnt find my cervix as it was still quite high, which probably means I wasn’t dilating. After 2 hours of strong contractions we really thought she was going to be a rare little madam and actually come on her due date lol! She advised that she reckons baby will come in the next day or 2 though, and being our anniversary tomorrow we all think that will be when she makes an appearance.

We got back to bed about 3am and managed to get some sleep with no more distractions. I have had a couple of random contractions this morning, but I am just going to ignore them now and assume they are stronger than usual braxton hicks. So we are going to get me some new leggings today and then do about 10 laps round the block.

Come on baby!!!

I also just realised that this blog was one year old yesterday!! Wow, one whole year. I have to go back and read from the beginning later I think just to remind myself how lucky we are….as if I really need reminding

39 weeks today – nothing yet!

Stick a fork in me i’m done!!!

I seem to be getting regular and strong contractions every morning for the last 3/4 days…they last about an hour and then stop. Pretty normal apparantly but damn annoying as I am desperate for it to be the real thing!

I’m feeling very heavy, exhausted, achy all over, stressed and impatient. I’m getting up to wee about 3 times in the night, and then another 3 times to swig my gaviscon as heartburn is really bad. I feel like sleeping all day but when I go for a nap I cant switch off. I’m just generally feeling very ready to have this baby now lol!

Midwife check was fine on tuesday, heartbeat still good and strong and my blood pressure is fine. I haven’t had my iron retested since I started the tablets so i’m guessing they assume everything is fine! I dont feel aneamic anyway.

Nothing else to report atall!

38 weeks today…could be close?

I’m 38 weeks today. Wow how did that happen?? I haven’t taken a picture today because to be honest I look no bigger!

Had a home visit by the new midwife on Tuesday, she is lovely and we had a good old natter about the merits of natural childbirth and went through my birthplan. She seemed to agree with most of it and said she doesn’t take pethidine to homebirths anyway as she doesn’t like it! The only thing she had an issue with was my desire to not have internal examinations, as she felt that these were necessary to see how I was progressing and check for problems. We reached a compromise of only being examined every 4 hours which i’m happy with, as my previous labours were only about 4 hours anyway!

Baby wasn’t quite engaged yet but her head was resting on the brim of my pelvis, and we suspect she may be popping in and out as some days (like today for example) she feels lower down and its all a lot more uncomfortable, but other days its fine. This is all quite normal for subsequent pregnancies so i’m not too worried. She is where she needs to be and not breech or back to back so thats the main thing! Blood pressure ok, and baby’s heartbeat still a nice constant 140 bpm

I finally have all the last bits and pieces for the homebirth. Loads of cheap towels from Asda’s (I cut up a bath towel that was £3.75 for 2 into muslin size squares for use as burp cloths, got 24 out of it!), some ‘labour clothes’ consisting of a long baggy cotton shirt for land nesting and a couple of long stretch vests for the pool to cover my dignity. I will no doubt be completely starkers once she pops out for the skin to skin contact but dont want to spend all of my labour in the nuddy

I also have got some lavender bath and massage oils,  and some pure Clary Sage essential oil that we have mixed with some Sweet Almond base oil for massage. Lavender is for relaxing and the clary sage is apparantly quite potent for pain relief (pure on a cotton wool ball and inhaled can have the same effect as gas and air) and can also help the contractions along.  It can bring labour on so I’m not touching the clary sage until my due date  – but I am then planning a pure clary sage and lavender bath, followed by a clary sage massage of my lower back and abdomen (Akeel willing that is lol) and some hot curry and long walks. I dont want to go too overdue as Akeel has holiday booked from the 13th as he cant get paternity leave. It would be a shame if he had to go back to work a day or 2 after she is born

So any niggles or signs yet?? Well…i’m getting much more Braxton Hicks contractions, and my bowel movements have changed (pre-labour clear out hehe). I also feel ‘odd’ most of yesterday and this morning, kind of spaced out and not quite with it. I managed to get my final uni assingment submitted today and gawd knows how I managed it!

I am going to be questioning every little niggle and pang now aren’t I lol.

So bets are on! Akeels birthday is on the 14th June, its our 5th anniversary on the 18th June, and Fathers Day on the 20th June!! Her due date is the 17th, so I wonder if she will be born on one of those days?